Hairy subject

It's weird how to external appearances reflect what is going on inside a person. Drastic haircuts often show a drastic change of heart, mind, or lifestyle. Or at least it's a reflection of a desire for change. I've wondered why I can't grow my hair long, and in a large part it's because I enjoy shorter hair. More economical in the way of less shampoo, it's easy to manage, etc. But another reason I realize is because I get bored with it, and it's nice to change something easy like a haircut instead of working on the inside.

This sort of thing doesn't necessarily warrant deep thought. Hair is hair, yes. But things are often more than they seem, and it's worth having a well-examined life. Finding the balance between that and an over-analyzed life is the real challenge. As for me, I won't be sporting a shaved head just yet, but change on the inside sparks a change on the outside.

Cut Your Hair- Pavement

God is good

Happy Easter everyone, this bucket o' tunes is chock full of songs hinging around the idea to accept some things about life so that we can start living it while we have time. I didn't think it would be right to link all of these songs, so I chose Time by Ben Folds.


Time- Ben Folds

Doubting Thomas- Nickel Creek

Big Country- Mike Marshall, Edgar Meyer, Bela Fleck

Carbon Monoxide- Cake

Body in a Box- City and Colour

Dead Melodies- Beck

Don't Look Back in Anger- Oasis

Tomorrow Never Knows- The Beatles

Happiness- Built to Spill

Rain- Bishop Allen

Epitaph- Badly Drawn Boy

Burn One Down- Ben Harper

The Call of the Wild (Highway)

The Evolution of a Night:

It began with Caitlin and I planning to get into the spirit of Into the Wild. You know, building a shelter, starving in the wilderness, maybe bringing a broken down bus into the basement. What that ended up being was, of course, us watching it in the basement with a short pot roast break and lots of blankets.

What "getting into the spirit of Into the Wild" turned into, though, was spontaneity at its finest. I remembered a 24 hour coffee shop in downtown Denver, Leela's, and mentioned we go there. I don't exactly know why, but watching a man close to my age live with so much energy and passion, the most I could do at that moment was abandon my eleven p.m wind-down to bedtime...and get caffeinated.

Long story (and trip) short...Denver wasn't quite enough. After hanging out on big leather couches with our coffees amongst the hipster kids with their fedoras and mohawks, Caitlin mentioned an even better coffee shop, Alley Cat, back in Ft. Collins. Blame it on the good conversation we were having...or the caffeine...or Chris McCandless...but my brain turned off and mouth said, "hey...you want to go?"

We glanced at our cell phones, and the time was around midnight. Caitlin looked at me and said, "Yeah!"

So we turned up Spoon, pressed on the gas peddle, and drove all the way to Ft. Collins for coffee and huge bean bag chairs, returning home around four in the morning.

And I have to say that the conversation Caitlin and I had was one of the best I've had a in a long time. Caitlin's blog covers a lot of what I thought about it, especially how reconnecting with someone after so long is such a weird and amazing experience. But more than that...last night reminded me how refreshing it is just to...be. To think, hey, getting up and going would be nice and then doing it. Instead of thinking myself into a corner, to entertain a thought and then to do it.

I sincerely believe that everyone has a spark in them that wants them to get up...and go. To explore, and ask no one's permission. I don't think I'll have too many opportunities to do this, to feel like I'm living in a Tom Petty song. So I'm certainly glad I did.

I'll highlight with a couple anecdotes;
While we were sitting on a little platform in Alley Cat, I was laying on my back while we debated what we were going to paint one of the ceiling tiles as (they allow customers to paint or decoupage or whatever on ceiling tiles for free) and playing This Side quietly, feeling very in a creative bubble...when a guy comes up and says, "Are you going to play a song?"

I look up, probably awkwardly due to my strange position on the bean bag chair, and say, "Oh, not very loudly! Do you want to use the guitar? You can, I'm just fooling around."

He pauses, and looks around, and says, "No...I don't know how to play."

At this point, I didn't really know where to go in the conversation. So he says after a pregnant pause, "What do you know how to play?"

I glance around, and notice there are at least four other people playing guitars in corners, and start to get the picture. I list a few bands, he nods for a few. And then he asks what I like to play. I re-list the bands. It gets quiet again. Caitlin is clearly laughing silently at me. He starts to ask other questions about me, clearly not getting the hint that Caitlin and I were in a creative groove. So I make some sort of polite closing statement and he leaves. We re-enter our creative bubble, focusing on the ceiling.

Then...about five minutes later, the same guy comes over and stands in front of me and asks, "Can I sit with you?"

I don't think I've ever said "no" to someone in that situation. Then again...I've never been hit on at two in the morning by a man I didn't know at all.

But I explained that Caitlin and I were in a private conversation, and he left again.

But really...it was a totally new experience.

It was worth it, though, because what would an adventure be without quality characters wandering in and out?


End Anecdote.

Thanks, Caitlin. From Denver to Ft. Collins, we are two rogues answering the call of the wild...or at least the call of caffeine.

How Life Can Turn- The Appleseed Cast

I Gotta Move- Ben Kweller

Happy St. Patrick's Day! (Sort of)

So the word on the street is that St. Patty's day was officially moved to Saturday the 15th since today falls at the beginning of Holy Week. Apparently the Pope wasn't too happy about the Church waking up with a huge collective hangover at the beginning of the most important week of the year. Either way, I hope you have a delightful St. Patrick's Day!

Gillian Welch- Whiskey Girl

Conversation worth sharing

This took place at about 2 in the morning when Caitlin and I had gone to sleep on available floor space and Kaitlin was just about to go to sleep, too. At this point Tracy gets up in a sleepwalking-type way, walks over to where the bathroom door is...and walks directly into the adjacent wall with her arms spread out.

Kaitlin: [stepping over cautiously] Tracy, what are you doing?

Tracy: [feeling around the wall with her palms] Going to the bathroom.

[C/Kaitlin and I look at each other, not quite sure what to do.]

Caitlin: The bathroom's on your right, Tracy.

Tracy: [still probing the blank wall] Uh huh.

Me: Turn to your right, Tracy.

[At this point the three of us are not even bothering to suppress snorting laughs]

Tracy: I really have to pee.

[Kaitlin gets up and mercifully guides Tracy by the shoulders into the bathroom.]


Also, I have to relay a very important message to everyone today;

Beware the Ides of March!

Help me languish here

This stud with me on the right is Lily's little boy, Charlie. He is so cute, I am using him to give my blog more mass appeal. Who can get sick of that face?


Well, moving onwards.


My fingers have been rambling over the keyboard all day today...

And have come up with no coherence whatsoever. Hence the new header. Photoshop comes easier than word-fashioning sometimes. Anyway, here's my music of the week.

Rosie Thomas- These Friends of Mine
It's the title track off the album that she produced with buddies Denison Whitmer and Sufjan Stevens, and I'm not going to get all Spin/Pitchfork-like and start name dropping like a fiend, but whatever...it's beautiful. It helps me see the rising sun as a friend laced with harmonies and promises of paths to come instead of a nuisance trying to destroy my much loved sleep. Rosie's voice has never been more stripped down and intimate, and the backing vocals are never too much.

Badly Drawn Boy- The Shining
I sort of debated just putting all of the album, The Hour of Bewilderbeast, up because it's one of those dusty, forgotten favorites that was in my car for a long time and then only existed when I started humming it to myself (or those in direct proximity). But, just like a good habit, I picked it back up again and can't stop enjoying. As I read somewhere once, it's "all killer, no filler." And, you know me, I can't resist cello opening a song up right. And throwing in some non-overwhelming horns...perfection.
The album opens with this song, making me long for a sun soaked late summer day with deep orange sunsets and warm breezes, right before the crickets get in tune for a night of glow-in-the-dark frolf/ultimate and grass stained toes. Way to go Damon Gough, you've captured me once more.

Stephen Malkmus- Freeze the Saints
I can't really more deeply explain my loyalty to Stephen Malkmus, besides the fact that Pavement has been in my top bands for a long time now. But this week I've been more partial to a more recent release of his, Face the Truth. It's his third solo album, and I appreciate it mostly because it's the first one where he really seems to be going in a distinctly non-Pavement direction. He clings to Pig Lib I think in songs like No More Shoes, but lyrically he captures me at the most unexpected moments in this album. I find this particular song to be the most outwardly listenable, but Face the Truth hits me with different things every time I listen.

Jump, Little Children- Young America
Such a rollicking fun band from the 90s! This is off their 2004 release, Between the Dim and the Dark. I can't say it's a monumental work of musical genius, but who cares? It's just a fun album, and I literally...bop along to the songs. I pull out some steering wheel drumming, and even steering wheel guitar (the finger grooves as frets). Will she walk on the razor's edge?/Or be lost when she burns the bridge?/Will she take what I gave her on her way?/Young America's waiting
Uh oh...not politics!

And lastly, because I do have to admit I relived an early teenage favorite for the whole drive to and from Boulder this week...

Sunny Day Real Estate- Pheurton Skeurto
Would everyone stop calling them emo? It brings images of drawn on tears and meekly played power chords. Jeremy Enigk deserves more. SDRE deserves more! Aw shoot, I can't pretend Diary isn't a thoroughly bitter album, but so was Mozart. If anyone can be called the "grandfather of emo," it is the man who wrote the requiem for his own death. Well, Sunny Day was my 90s flashback of the week. KBCO was reliving the early 90s this week and I halfway crossed my fingers to hear Jeremy's emoting voice stuck in between Hootie and the Blowfish and U2, but it's hard to transition that with proper song transitioning etiquette, huh?


St. Patty's day celebration tomorrow up in Boulder! I wonder how many red-headed hippies there could possibly be...

Crazy Breed

The discontent I feel can't be just me. In fact, I know it's not. This feeling...of being trapped, of being afraid to embrace who I am, of never being as good to people as they deserve. It's a disease. We're a distracted world. Caught up in bright lights and comfort. Of power that exists only in the tiny little world in our minds. Dear Lord, I hope I can move past it, because when the world tells me the tension on my shoulders and the weight on my heart can only be cured with pills to empty my mind and ease my restless and racing conscience, I only become more resolved that the answer lies far outside the path that those same well-intentioned people have laid for me.

Society- Eddie Vedder
From the film Into the Wild

Do you believe in Barack and roll?

Can Obama save America's soul?
Oh.
And can he teach me how to dance real slow?


Well, maybe not the last part. But since he's been labeled the "new JFK" (is that like being called the "new U2?") maybe I should want him to...nah, I'll leave that to Obama Girl.

Now that the UberSuper Tuesday is over, and Hilary and Obama are closer than ever in the race, I start to wonder why exactly I'm choosing to be a supporter of Barack over Hilary. Considering their policies are almost exactly the same, with Hilary having much more experience behind her, and her exit strategy for Iraq being much more plausible. Obama, really, pulling out in under a year? It would be entirely devastating for the region, economically and politically. In Afghanistan, especially, a situation similar to the Muhajideen would arise no doubt, with a formerly united government group splintering into warlords fighting for dominance, like after Communist Russia was forced out in a short time period.

Yet, with all these facts staring me in the face, I am totally in support of Barack Obama, and here's why;

After the damage that has been done to our country's image, I hate to say this, but we need a figurehead. Someone who inspires. No one person can fix what has been broken. Only a nation can. Hilary, though carrying experience, fails to unite and inspire quite like Obama does. Especially overseas. The super delegates overseas have shown that in overwhelming numbers.

I firmly believe that Obama also is the type of politician to approach the war with reason once he is presented with the opportunity. His exit strategy shows a good jumping off point for how to actually resolve to get out of the situation. Instead of being wishy washy, he shows resolve and a firm hand in getting the job done.

Let's think about this...as a nation, we've elected experienced, wrinkly, talky, pompous, and connected politicians who have lead us horribly astray. I think that Obama's lack of Washington corrupting experience will serve him well. He says he rides the winds of change, and I don't think the winds of change come from the hot air rising out of D.C.

My contention with Hilary is that I can't imagine denouncing George W. Bush for taking advantage of his father's presidency while condoning having Bill Clinton in the White House again. It seems like a dynasty to me. And I desperately want change for this country. Now that I am of the age to be waking up to the political turmoil and unrest in our nation, I think it's time for a clean slate. A Democratic dynasty is just as dangerous as a Republican one. I'm done with rehashing political ties and loyalties, it's not that I don't like Hilary. She isn't the change that we need though, she is a throwback to the last Democrat to be in power. And that isn't what we need.

We need the winds of change I feel blowing from the Windy City. This time it's not just America that's ready, it's the world.

Oh yeah...there's McCain, too. He should be having his 174th birthday soon here, right? =)

Agape

I wanted to write today about grievances in Tibet, really. And tie them into the injustices perpetrated on the people of El Salvador, whose land is owned by only a few rich families and whose people have suffered from unnecessary poverty and violence for too long. I actually sat down and started writing that blog, mainly leading up to my deep-running love for the Jesuits and their tireless work...and then that turned to writing about selfless love, agape in Greek, and that turned to the nature of love in general. And then to the nature of that squirmy, uncomfortable...romantic love.

What disturbed me the most when I paused and realized my lengthy tangent was that agape, the word used in the New Testament's original Greek, describes the kind of love that Christ has for us, and that we are called to have for each other. A love that asks for nothing in return, expects nothing to be easy, and holds onto love for love's sake. Why does that sound like a fairy tale now?

I know that I personally have thought about that concept...wrestled with it briefly, and then uncomfortably rationalized it away, because how on Earth could anyone actually live with that kind of love? In a world that has historically been so bent on conquering, proving, taking, showing, and consuming, how could a real pouring out be realistic?

Oh, and then I realized...I don't think we're living in reality. Not that we all have virtual reality visors on, or anything...but when I stepped back as far as a person living in this day and age can, I became disturbed by a whole different concept. For a people who prides ourselves on knowing everything, our society seems consumed with distracting ourselves from understanding anything, especially when it comes to love.

Love has been portrayed in many different and unhealthy ways. The first that come to mind are "chick flicks," or the romanticized Hollywood The Notebook kind of love. I'll be the first to denounce Nicholas Sparks' take on real love, but that's a bit too easy. I mean other things, more subtle things. Like the whole idea of falling in love. It sets up the premise that we're just hanging on the edge of a cliff, outside of love, and waiting for that person who is going to push us over. Then once we're falling, we've got to keep falling or else we're going to hit rock bottom. Which we inevitably do, and hence the skyrocketing divorce rate.

Or, to get even weirder, the idea that everyone needs to get married. I'm a Catholic, and one of my major contentions with the Church is that women aren't allowed to be priests. I think that it's high time women were give that chance. But you know what question I get asked the most from people when they find out my denomination?

"Why can't priests get married?"

Woah, there. Slow down. A person devoting themselves to the single life is more concerning than blocking over 50% of the world's population from being able to consider it?

Or when I hear my friends start sentences with, "When I get married..."

This whole concept of waiting. Feeling as though it has to happen for us to be completely complete. Just waiting for love, as though it's something we don't experience unless another person comes along and romances us. Romantic love; the squelcher of true love.

Because what's true love? Is it romantic love? I've heard familial and friend-based love be dismissed with statements like, "well, yeah, but..."

But what? Agape, the love we're called to have with the world, ourselves, and God, is so large that I think I, and maybe others, try to break it down so it's easier to swallow. Instead of loving everyone, or at least devoting time to trying, in that selfless way, it's easier to put all hopes on the arrival of one person to make it easy. Not that it gets easy there.


Because it's so easy to fall in love with who a person could be, or to stay in love with who a person used to be. It's the greatest challenge to continue to love a person as they are, and as they grow. That idea doesn't fit in so nicely with our society's current trend of; whatever feels good is good, if it's not perfect then it's not worth it. I don't know if a relationship is ever perfect...how could it be? Two wrongs don't make a right, and two imperfect beings don't make one perfect one.

....

Now you see why I didn't include all the stuff about social justice beforehand. This tangent was enough!

Agape...
It's a concept that seems to always lead to rambling, bumbling, confusion, and in the end, at least for me, some hope. Because if we're called to it, then I know that there's more to true love than chance meetings on the Empire State Building, or better ways to show it than hanging off a ferris wheel. And that's somewhere to start.

P.S: Unless The Notebook, I do actually like Sleepless in Seattle.