Fictitious!

This is the only finished song of the summer. It has been spawned from a mixture of listening to my oldies (Alanis, Tracy, Michelle) and the newer ones (Edith, Rosie, Feist, Zooey). Edith Piaf is not new, I know, but I didn't start listening to her until last year. So here it is. It has no title as of yet.


I have my feet in the sky and my head on the ground
This trip has turned me upside down
And I don’t want to ask where the birds might land
It’s just too real
And a little too in hand

When you looked at me and my sunburned knees
When I smelled the fire before the kerosene
You pulled the alarm at my front door
And you appeared around the corner
I don’t know what this is foreshadowing

Fly low with my hands clasped tight
And your literary devices just took flight
Metaphorically I’m high as a kite
Quite literally I’m so frightened of you

Drunk and stupid I shook your hand
And I couldn’t really understand
Why the wheels in your eyes were like bed time stories
About knights who speak in allegory
And a two am princess who gets left behind

Fly low with my hands clasped tight
And our novel finished in just one night
Metaphorically we put up no fight
Quite obviously we’re so frightened of you

Will you shake my head again?
Will you write fiction and then
Will you sneak out the front window and
I’ll write the ending as you go.

We're Bruce Wayne, biage!

Kay and I have embarked on an epic voyage this summer; rewatch all of our cornerstone movie favorites. Which means a lot of trilogies. Today we started on Pirates of the Caribbean, resolving to skip through much of unnecessary Kraken battles in 2, and most all of 3. Our list of movies to work through is, so far:
Indiana Jones
OT Star Wars
LotR (Extended)
PotC

Also, I really recommend watching the first Pirates with the Jack Davenport/Kiera Knightley commentary on. It's pretty short and very amusing.

So, on the topic of lists, Kaitlin and I started discussing what we would do if we had the money and time of Bruce Wayne. Because we can. So we proudly present, from the same people who brought you Awesome Things from Canada and Celebrities We Would Enlist on our Ninja Death Squads:

Things We Would Do/Procure if We Had the Time and Expendable Income of Bruce Wayne
By the KT Mafia

1. Buy an old, old wooden ship named Diversity and sail around shooting cannons and speaking only in joxy British accents. (Eddie Izzard is welcome on such voyages.) (As are crumpets.)
2. Buy one of those man made islands in the "World" development. Preferably Canada.
3. Become highly trained sommeliers and bakers. Our pastries will solve global warming.
4. Become extras in major motion pictures and television shows based in Vancouver and New York.
5. Finance the Arrested Development movie, become executive producers, and buddy up to the cast. Exchange witty repartee daily.
6. Get Sam from Top Chef as our personal chef/love monkey.
7. Become highly accurate sharpshooters and archers.
8. Own the entire inventory of the Sharper Image.
9. Be seat fillers at top award shows. Or just buy the front row at all top award shows.
10. Throw bitchin' VIP parties to rival P Diddy's White Party. We would have more visually assaulting parties. Like an Orange Party.
11. Become non-academic archaeologists a la Action Indy/Tomb Raider.
12. Buy up national landmarks like Mt. Rushmore, the Grand Canyon, and Old Faithful and stage huge music festivals on/around them seasonally.
13. Have a huge mansion, obviously.
14. In that mansion, have an annex as a personal theatre with the most movies/tv shows on DVD ever owned. Ever.
15. Also, a whole wing dedicated to botany run by our fleet of Korean botanists.
16. Also, a whole wing dedicated to music with its own state of the art recording studio and soundproof rooms and acoustically balanced concert halls.
17. Have a library of solely first edition books. Leather bound a must.
18. We would also have apartments/condos/adobe huts/penthouses/bungalows in the following states:
Alaska, Arizona, California, Colorado (primary place), Connecticut (to schmooze with old money in New Haven), Florida (only the Keys), Hawaii, Illinois (Chicago), Massachussetts, Maryland (D.C), Montana, Nevada (Las Vegas), New York, Oregon, New Mexico, Washington
We would have villas/houses/apartments/lofts in the following international locations:
Vancouver, Argentina, Turks and Caicos, Australia, New Zealand, London, Monaco, Madrid, Prague, Lake Como (to become BFF with George Clooney), Cape Town, Reykjavik, Moscow, Tokyo.
19. We will own a 200 ft yacht for more modern sailing adventures. We will have jaunty captains hats as well.
20. We will own a whole fleet of Segways. Our fleet of personal assistants (including stylists) will follow in a V formation on their own Segways wherever we go.
21. Buy a plane/trick out a plane to make it even better and snazzier than Air Force 1.
22. Personal perfume/clothing line. Name to be decided later.
23. Resurrect good shows/ cancel crap shows through financial manipulation and/or the take over of FOX.
24. Buy Joss Whedon's, JJ Abram's, JK Rowling's, Eric Kripke's, Tim Kring's, Mitchell Hurwitz's, and Josh Schwartz's friendships for secrets about big reveals.
25. Buy Laurel out of Bead It! and hand over control to Jessie.
26. Hire a scientist to develop a cure for Kaitlin's horrible jewelry allergies so she can join the ranks of earring wearers everywhere.


This list will continue to be expanded I am sure. Back to work, everyone! Tomorrow is Monday! Actually, today is Monday...

Well shoot.

27. Official work week to be changed from Monday-Friday to Tuesday-Thursday. Somehow change minimum wage to 26 USD per hour.

Though we wouldn't need it anyway.

We're Bruce Wayne!