Why I've Been Up For Almost 3 Hours

And it's 6 15.

Some genius in my building let off the fire extinguisher, thereby activating the incredibly obnoxious fire alarm in my building. Said genius let the fire extinguisher off on my floor, so when my roommate and I stumble into the hallway (in embarassingly short pajamas) all we see is a thick cloud of white smoke and so we bolt.

Outside.
In the cold.
At 3 30 AM.

Only to be told an hour and a half later that 1st and 2nd floor residents can return to their floor, but since the mess is on 3rd, we are not allowed back on our floor until they clean it up around mid morning.

List of Things I Will Do To The Responsible Douche Bag:

1. In keeping with my piratical instincts; keelhaul
2. Possible tarring and feathering, followed with either the aforementioned keelhauling or being run out of town on a rail.
3. Laying this person out on the train tracks a la Snidley Whiplash and waiting for one of the reliable Helena trains to do the job.
4. Perform some sort of military style sleep deprivation torture, akin to what I am currently experiencing.
5. Good, old fashioned beating. With a bag of potatoes for internal damage, and then a fire extinguisher for some poetic justice.
6. I am envisioning a mob scene with pitchforks, torches, and maybe a battering ram on this person's doorstep.
7. Also on their doorstep; flaming poop. Tons of it.
8. Please look up the monologue Wesley gives to Humperdinck about pain in The Princess Bride.
9. Bitch slap.
10. If this person is a male; family jewels. Female; nipple piercings.


I know this list may seem harsh to you, so I just have to say...

never ever mess with my REM cycle.